“Online dating is just awkward,” my cute co-worker scrunches her nose. “Classically attractive” women have more difficulty online dating.“I get that they’re not looking for love, but aren’t they trying to hook up? Given the competitive nature of the medium, some men assume if a woman is too attractive, she may be inundated with prospects.As I prepared this elaborate meal, I was nervous and anxious about what my then companion would say.
Not only was I focused on the American Dream, but I was focused on all of my friends who were engaged, married or in promising relationships.
I wanted the same things they had with their relationships, so I figured if I gave and gave to my boyfriends, they would see my wifely potential, they would propose and my dream would be reality.
But, a side effect of being sidelined is an opportunity for ingenuity and grace.
Make no mistake, beauty is a currency, but it is merely one of many social currencies.
I was standing in my kitchen preparing an elaborate six course soul food meal for a young man I was dating at the time.
I remember preparing each dish slowly, paying attention to all ingredients carefully, sampling each dish to make sure they were just right and smiling anxiously every step of the way.
I’m not ugly, but I don’t have much beauty privilege (and make no mistake, beauty privilege yields tangible rewards). “I don’t have to.” [Go ahead, ladies, make the first move.
From grade-school dances in gyms to corporate happy hours, I’ve been “swiped left” on more than my fair share. You’ll date more attractive men.] As it turns out, my good-looking friends aren’t completely out of touch.
When I realized that the more I gave to my boyfriends, that the less of me I had for myself.
It was then that I decided to shift my personal focus.
Almost anyone who has spent time online dating knows the disappointment is inherent in the process.