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Here's your getaway plan for every step along the way.

Escaping..first message: It seems dickish, but if you know you won't jibe with someone who messages you, just click delete.

Wouldn't this same sentiment—"I enjoy playing soccer in the park, and an active sex life is important to me"—sound less caveman-ish in your actual profile? Davidson: "People need to see your face, but shooting up close with a wide-angle lens makes your nose look bigger.

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Once you're sitting in front of her with the less-than- 15-percent hair loss that she's handicapped your photo for, then you can really get to know each other—as two hormone-leaking, masochistic adults who want so badly to be in love again._—Mary H. Choi _You want to say you're an oenophile or fluent in Klingon? The beauty of online dating is that it's stocked with people on the ends of the bell curve—the kind you'd never find normally.So let your freak/geek/pedantic-wine-lover flag fly."My life is CRAZY.I run marathons on Saturdays and triathlons on Sundays. DON' T WASTE MY TIME.""Here goes nothing: I'm a 29-year-old gal who just moved from Boston.I have a job that sucks, but I won't bitch about it too much.The process is a mild inconvenience, not a confession or a trap, so just chalk it up to the cost of being proactive. This sounds like some type of Yoda koan, but try to talk about what you like, not .

Don't call yourself any of the following: witty, ambitious, down-to-earth, or humble.The alternatives— brutal honesty or the soft letdown—only sting more and waste your time.Besides: Effortless rejection is one of online dating's great achievements.But three weeks (and six dates) from now, you'll realize that online dating is, for better and worse, just like regular dating—and not, sadly, like ordering a pizza online. It's boring, but dating-site handles aren't eligible for the Pulitzer.Also, there's a specific place for you to talk up your hobbies, and it's not your handle, ILike Sexn Soccer. (And if they were, Ding Dong 9Inch Wong would take it every year.) All a username has to convey is "I'm not crazy." Your profile can take it from there.I am a questioner, a daughter, a sister, a sinner, a saint, a passionate lover— a bit of everything! "The biggest complaint we get from women is that guys don't pull the trigger and ask them out," Langston explains. The worst that could happen is she says no and your crippling insecurities send you into a tailspin of drugs and despair._—Andrew Richdale _It's counterintuitive, but mentioning a woman's looks in your first e-mail comes off as creepy—like you've started fapping.