In subsequent discussions, she asks me if I had slept with anyone. She is furious and hurt and is accusing me of cheating and lying to her. That doesn’t mean you’re out of the woods yet, but it does mean you’re technically “right”.I want to be with her, never wanted to be without her (she pushed the breakup), and am disappointed that I hurt her, BUT, do not feel like I cheated or lied. Lay low and see if time helps or go all in again and try to win her over again? The problem is that having truth and logic on your side matters very little when discussing emotional issues. I try to inject a little male logic into the largely feminine realm of relationship discussions.
I can spit gum on the street in Singapore and turn myself in so I can get caned, or I can deny, deny, deny.
I can “borrow” lines from a book when writing a term paper, and then tell the professor that I plagiarized, but that wouldn’t be too wise.
2 weeks later I had a one night stand with someone I don’t know.
1 week later, my ex calls and indicates we should try to get back together. You did what pretty much any guy would do after a sixteen month relationship.
If your only concern is how to get over the emotional turmoil of knowing that he cheated on you, remind yourself that his actions may not have had anything to do with you or with the relationship.
People often fail to do the right thing even when it causes harm to the people they love, so your ex's bad decisions don't invalidate the whole relationship.
As a result, I remember her telling me, point-blank, early in the relationship (and repeatedly thereafter): “If you ever cheat on me, you’d better tell me.
I do not tolerate cheaters and I will break up with you.” And, me, ever the wise-ass, replied, with a twinkle in my eye, “Well, if you’d break up with me, why would I tell you that I cheated? ” And I’d reply: “Yeah, but what if I made a god-awful mistake – say, drunkenly kissing a stranger at a party in Vegas?
Especially since she asked for your honesty and you gave it to her.
This brings up a rant that I’ve always wanted to have in public forum.
Rather than blaming your ex for cheating on you or resolving never to trust anyone ever again, Hassler advises looking inside and asking yourself what you can learn from the fact that your ex cheated.