Ever put too much energy in trying to make a stranger happy, only for them not to appreciate it?
When you find someone, do you burn that flame so bright it fizzles out at the first road bump?
When you do meet THE ONE, you'll have skills and tools in place to enjoy friendships with people you find attractive without it being more than that. This is the guy you meet out in real life—at Starbucks or your friend's birthday.
Here's how it works: Step 1: Write out two lists—the partner wish list and a list of things you like to do.Make a list of every single thing you want in a partner. Instead of looking for that one perfect person, put the guys into categories and connect with any guy who has at least one quality that is on your list.And here I was, after so many years, looking at that list again when it dawned on me that my most recent ex had almost everything on the list -- except one thing. And that's when I bumped into the hiccup—finding the 100% guy, I realized, would be easier said than done.I had let him have a pass on it because he was 99% on point, and damn, I never scored that high on any test before, so who was I to judge? Here were the main problems: Too much to choose from makes you numb and dumb. Although I was dating again, I was doing what THEY were interested in. But, on dates I was starting to feel like a census pollster trying to figure out how many of my boxes the guy checked. The Breakthrough Soon after I started dating again, a friend asked me about what type of man I wanted. I answered, “He would be the kind of guy who'd invite me to art galleries, for example." My friend came back with, “Well, do YOU go to art galleries?I could be one of those guys that goes to galleries. It's about following my heart, my interests and my passions.
Rather than guess what someone else was looking for and try to be that, I needed to have faith that who I am and want in life is awesome and worth it and that trusting my gut will lead me to the kind of guy I deserve.For example, I met up with a guy whose profile picture wasn't exactly my type, but hey, he liked comedy and had an adorable profile and picked a dope restaurant. Another was a surfer in Hermosa Beach who on the surface lacked ambition but that Modern Art Museum membership he had was good enough for me to check him out while we both checked out the new collection. Or perhaps you love '80s music—this guy used to be an exec at Capitol Records!Step 2: Assemble 5 Good guys Here's who you need: The Professor: A guy who's an expert on a topic you love. He may not be everything you need but damn that Pat Benatar concert was fun, or how cool was it to cuddle while watching Venus Williams play?The vibe is to only call them back if you feel like it.Only answer a Face Time if it's a good time for you.They each offered a different piece of the puzzle I was looking for, and by dating them all at the same time, I started to realize the things that were most important to me.